When They don't Come Home

I saw my father yesterday, briefly. He embraced me, an embrace we both knew as tense. The man has hurt my family numerous times. For some it goes away. I stare at him and see the same man who made a young boy wish he could be taken away from it all. That is my father. He decided to take my mom out. My mom, who has taken the worst from him, goes back with the same smile, with the same ignorance. I haven't seen them since. It's happened before. I've waited and wondered where they could be or what catastrophe could have happened. But it's different now: I am old enough to take care of myself. I don't need them, I never have, they need me. I am a pawn to them. I'm in play whenever I can bring about some sympathy or redress. We've had fun. Empty memories of trips to amusement parks, but I've realized what was happening while I was on that roller coaster. Do they love me? Yes, I am their kin it is natural; they have to. Do they care? I still wonder. Hi mom, hi dad I hope you had fun. And no, I don't mind if you lie in bed for two days because you're still a little f***ed up. I'll have cereal again. Yeah, cereal. Maybe one day I'll be able to leave them, and they'll be stuck with the god damn Frosted Flakes. Do not put blame on those who do not understand what is wrong; blame the person who knows what is wrong and says nothing. I'm sorry Nicky, I should' ve said something. Maybe you would've turned out better. My mom's always said that to me; she's always yelled at me for not being courageous enough to speak out. I'm sorry. I was so young; I didn't know.